July 6th, 2009
hallo meet the new addition to my family
his name is Octavio (from Amores Perros) and I am getting him sometime in August as an early birthday present. thank you ninong!! :D
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i got to talk to Martin yesterday. It made me realize that I should learn to trust people. and I'm trying to. I'm trying to help myself get better. as he said "fuck the but no". I can do this. I have my friends. and yes, therese, you can depend on your friends...that's why they're there.
last night, i realized how much people do care. one line you said Marts "I'll break in if I have to" that made me realize that i shouldn't be afraid of letting people in. thanks, really. BODYSLAM!
crazy friends over crazy pills any day.
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i also talked to him last night. and I told him things I never told him back when we were together. Things I should've told him but didn't. maybe if i did, things wouldn't have turned out this way. i wish i focused more on what was there than on what happened to us in the past. I wish I trusted him more. I wish I let him in. maybe things would've been better for us. maybe.
but yeah. i don't want to waste my energy regretting everything.
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i'm letting you in, this time. 'cause you don't deserve to be shut out. I'm slowly tearing down my wall, brick by brick. and I have you (and my friends... our friends) to help me.
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everything feels lighter now. forgive the cliche, but it really feels like i just removed a thorn from my foot (or heart in this case). it stings a bit. but I feel better.
